When Gary graduated from medical school, I in turn, was crowned with a title that I neither earned nor wanted...."doctor's wife." There is quite a stigma attached to such a title because most people have known a few women out there who have perhaps abused their husband's profession by making themselves out to be something special.
Let me set the record straight that I am NOT a "doctor's wife."
I do not send my child to private school. I do not dine at the local hotspot with my gal pals every day for lunch. I do not get massages, manicures or pedicures. I do not have a housekeeper. I do not eat out every night. I am not currently planning a "gala" or "social". I do not have a gardener or even a lawn person. (And for the record, those things are all fine. There is nothing wrong with any of them...I just don't like it when people assume that is how I live my life.)
Not long ago, I saw a paper with my name on it and next to it was written, "she is married to a doctor." I was horrified that somehow that was my qualification with this particular group of people. I wish that it had said, "she is a hard worker," or "she is very nice," or most importantly "she is a Godly woman." But that is not what it said.
I have spent almost every day since Gary's graduation trying to disguise what he does to people until they have a chance to get to know me. I do not want them to think they know who I am before they meet me. I do not want to be labeled. I have told several people that the highest compliment they have ever paid me was that they never would have guessed that my husband was a doctor. (But why should they? Do I look at someone and guess, "I bet her husband is a postman," or "she looks like a pilot's wife," or "she acts like a engineer's wife"? Do I explain rudeness away by saying, "well, you know her husband is an accountant"?)
It upsets Gary because he thinks that I am somehow "ashamed" of his job. It is not that I am ashamed of his job. I think it is admirable that he works the long hours, gets up in the middle of the night, spends hours at home working on charts and researching the latest medical findings. He does that because it is his heart's desire to help people. And he has worked very, very hard for a long time and made many sacrifices to be where he is today. What I am ashamed of is the stigma that I earned by no doing of my own, other than marrying the man I loved.
And so I hope that one day I will never be referred to as "the woman married to a doctor", but rather as "Jennifer Binkley: mom, wife and Christian woman."
6 comments:
I can understand your frustration. I would hate to see "married to a doctor" next to my name, too. I don't think you have to worry though. Spending even the shortest amount of time with you makes it clear that you are kind, down to earth, and approachable.
Also, if people want to get to know you because they want the "typical" doctor's wife, they won't stick around long. It's just not who you are.
Oh, and, if I could afford it? No matter what my husband's career choice was? I would totally get massages at least once a month. But hey, that's just me.
I think people that are going to judge are going to do it regardless "of your husband's occupation". Its kinda more like the image you put out. I don't think you need to worry about that. People make a lot of assumptions about everyone based on stupid things. What in the world kinda paper was that where you saw that?!! I think I would asak some questions.
I feel your frustration. Being a doctor is no different than any other job. Yes, our husbands went to school for a bit longer and we had a bit more debt to pay off because of it, but in the end, a job is just a job.
The thing we can do, however, is change that stigma you are talking about by being "real normal people."
The jobs our husbands have chosen allow them to take care of the sick and in turn, show them a little bit of Christ in their caring and compassionate attitudes. They truly are blessed to be such humble servants in that way.
Thanks for the encouraging post!
Ya know I never really thought about that, but I can see that. And I can also see how some women truly live for that title as well. I agree with jenni though, I would get a massage once a month if I could, regardless of what the hubby did!
In my opinion, I would gladly say my husband is a doctor. And when they ask questions tell them about his compassion for the sick, his dedication to his ministry of helping those that need him and how the Lord has blessed him with the ability to do it.
That will make them think differently about how you see your husband and how they see you.
That it isn't the money or position that makes you both who you are but it is the love of God passed on to his patients.
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